the burden of care

I want to begin this week’s post by saying I’m so sorry that there wasn’t a blog up last week. Some of you are aware of the unprecedented events that happened last week, but for those of you who don’t know; there has been a lot of unrest and health concerns for someone I really care about. But they are being looked after and at this stage no more needs to be explicitly said about it.

Because of what’s been going on, I’ve been finding it very difficult to focus on tasks. I’m a big worrier and I have a bad habit of carrying my worries on my shoulders - letting them weigh me down for the rest of my day. However the worries I’ve been carrying lately have been knocking me to the floor, making it near impossible to carry. So to all my clients, friends and family; I’m sorry I've dropped the ball the last few days. I’m working on it.

Today I wanted to talk about caring for others.

As a big sister I’ve cared a lot for my little sister and other little ones in my life. However the kind of care I’m referring to today is completely different.

My health conditions have meant that my family and my partner have often had to adopt the roles of carers for me; cooking dinners, fetching medications or simply giving me a hug when I’ve been feeling rubbish. It’s something that I’ve always felt a bit of guilt over.

Caring for someone, regardless of how little care they actually need, is a full time job.

Constantly checking on them, running to grab anything they may need, monitoring their medications, feeding them…it’s a never ending list.

I’ve struggled with letting others care for me as I hate feeling like a burden. My partner works in the care industry and so for him to leave his job at the end of the day and then proceed to care for me feels cruel, but it’s a task that he takes on when he knows I need it. I’ve asked him many times why he endures the stress of my health. I know that there are many people out there who are much simpler than me, who wouldn’t need the care that I do and I always struggled with the fact that he was willing to bare that burden for me.

With the events of the last couple of weeks, I’ve found myself caring full time for someone else and it has been an eye opening experience.

I was a little nervous of whether my pain was going to rear it’s ugly head from the stress of the situation but I was amazed at how my body was able to push past what I was feeling for the sake of caring for someone else.

I was monitoring a very complex list of medications that had to be taken at different intervals all through the day, as well as helping this person get around the house, cooking meals for them and just keeping them company.

It was only at the end of the day that I would wind down to go to sleep that suddenly the pain I had been overlooking would come in full force.

I was expecting that my own health was going to be a barrier to me supporting someone else. Instead I was finding that my love and compassion for this person was what was driving me forward. Although I was feeling rough myself, and was extremely tired, I cared about this person too much to not make sure that their needs were met.

Now, I’m fully aware that it is very easy to say that “love carried me through” when I’ve only cared for someone for a few days. I know that the reality of caring everyday is physically and mentally overwhelming; especially when you have a preexisting relationship with that person. I’ve seen the toll that caring for someone can have and it is heartbreaking, but I now understand why my loved ones put up with it for me.

It’s because you have to.

You love that person so much that you’re willing to do anything to help them or make their lives easier, even if it’s knackering for you. It’s a necessary burden to carry.

I know that may seem like an obvious observation but I cannot tell you how many days I’ve spent apologising whilst in agony with my partner handing me painkillers. It’s easy to overlook the obvious when you’re consumed by pain (both physical and mental).

The last week has been a great learning tool for me in many ways, but especially when looking at how loved and supported I am. It’s something that I’m going to remember when I next feel like my partner is rushing around for me. I feel so blessed to have that support.

So here’s a shoutout to all the carers and loved ones who go above and beyond for the people they care about. You’re real heroes.

Have a good week everyone!

- Em x