Working with endo
I have always been an extremely hardworking and passionate person. When I was studying musical theatre I was somehow managing to do a two and a half hour commute both ways alongside 40 hours of lessons. To this day I don’t know how I managed that.
Although I’m grateful that I no longer have to sit on trains for half of my life, I often find myself wrestling with how my productivity has changed since my health deteriorated a few years ago.
When I was training, I never stopped. I was studying, travelling or working at my part-time job. I used to allow myself one day a week to rest - which admittedly wasn’t really resting. It was mostly catching up on sleep or trying to maintain some hope of a social life.
When all of those elements were removed I didn’t know what to do with myself. I realised that all of the hobbies and loves that I had outside of my daily grind had been non-existent, I didn’t know how to do self-care properly…and I believed that was completely normal.
The biggest lesson I’ve learnt since then was how to rest. I have always tied so much of my self worth to my productivity and so when I found myself unable to leave bed for days at a time, it took a major toll on my mental health.
I realised that even though I was laying down, I didn’t allow my mind to stop; I was thinking about tasks I needed to do, guilt tripping myself for “being lazy” and putting myself down for not just getting on with things despite my pain.
Eventually I managed to unlearn the constant pressure to be doing something - although it does still niggle in the back of my mind on a bad day. But thankfully I realised that by allowing myself breaks when my body needs it, I’m far better equipped to achieve more on the days that I feel better.
Working around a chronic condition is far from easy but the more time that passes the more comfort I take in maintaining a balance in rest and work. It’s a much more peaceful and calming existence.
One of my future blogs will be discussing my tips and tricks that I’ve developed to help me work around my health, but for now I’d just like to remind you that it’s okay to stop every now and again.
The one blessing I took from 2020 and Covid-19 was being forced to stop for a while. It’s so rare that we get an opportunity to live quietly - without anywhere to be or do. I’m aware this isn’t also without it’s frustrations but for the sake of this post, it’s a useful reminder that the world will still be waiting for us after we’ve taken a break.
Not everything has to be done instantly. Sometimes it’s good to allow yourself to go slower.
So maybe find an opportunity to allow yourself some time; whether that’s through self-care, sleeping, spending time with loved ones or just being. You deserve to be yourself outside from your work and responsibilities.
Take it easy.
- Em x
